What does getting things done mean to you? Do your professional goals jump to mind first? What about your plans for personal development? 

I was invited to speak on the topic of prioritizing personal and professional goals. The conversation centered around implementation to ensure you accomplish the goals you want to prioritize. We meandered across a broad range of how to get things done, and practical strategies to achieve your goals:

• The importance of clear goals and visualization for achieving success.
• Setting and achieving goals holistically, which includes finding your purpose and saying no without feeling guilty.
• The challenges of pivoting and how to manage when goals don't happen as planned.
• The importance of support systems for achieving goals, and the significance of friendship.
• Time management, productivity, mindfulness and strategies to sustain you.

In this interview, hosted by Sola Oluwole, Brooke Gordon shares insights, examples and practical strategies to achieve your goals.

During the 3Gs Int'l event Getting Things Done: Practical Strategies to Achieve Your Goals, Brooke discusses the importance of clear goals and visualization for achieving success, setting and achieving goals holistically, which includes finding your purpose and saying no without feeling guilty, the importance of support systems for achieving goals, and the significance of friendship.

Reading time: 24 min

Let me start by introducing you to Sola Oluwole from 3Gs and setting the context for this interview

Sola Oluwole left such a strong impression that I actively followed her career after we met. Over the years, we've become colleagues, friends, and volunteered together in Soroptimist - an organization that empowers women and girls through education. You can well imagine that my heart was full when she succeeded me in the role of Regional Manager for Ontario on the Client Diversity team at BDC.

I was absolutely delighted that she invited me to join her as the guest speaker at the February meeting of 3Gs Int'l. The theme was Getting Things Done: Practical Strategies to Achieve Your Goals. Read on for a full recap of the insights, lessons and arguments from the interview. 

The following is an edited transcript of our live interview - the recording is not publically available. Next week, I'll be sharing the Q&A which included some excellent discussion on goal-setting in the context of failing, reframing and self-awareness. 

Getting Things Done: practical strategies to achieve your goals

Sola: Today, Brooke is going we are going to talk about getting things done and practical strategies for how we can achieve our goals for 2024!

Sola: We all had things we wanted to achieve in this year, we all wrote things down. Some people have resolutions, some people have goals, visions, vision boards, whatever you want to call it. I read online, I saw that almost 3-4% of people forget about their goals, or don't pursue their goals by the end of January. Right?!

We're hosting this conversation in February, when people are already slacking off their goals. They cannot do all their resolutions and see how we can have practical strategies to achieve their goals.

Sola: So my very first question is, what role does having clear goals play in achieving them?

Brooke: I actually really like this question because I think there's a lot of systems out there that really help and focus on goals. There are coaches, like me, who can help people to actualize and plan for their goals. But what is often missing is that people, my clients in particular,  haven't yet spent a lot of time on "why they want the goal", or visualizing the outcome. I want to give you a couple examples.

I think of the example of a promotion, and how many of us are vying for that promotion. We think about how it comes with more money, it can come with more prestige. But it also comes with more work. Sometimes it can come with a boss who's under extreme pressure, and can actually be the difficult boss, even though you've got the higher pay. A promotion can also come with being accountable or being the decision maker, which can be really stressful. And so, what this person may not have had was clarity on all the things in their life that might need to change to ensure success in the context of getting a promotion.

A leader that I met recently is very last minute in her approach. She actually struggles with her team, because she's last minute, which never gives them them enough time to prepare for and adequately support her. What she needs (and her team needs of her) is to be more proactive and more planned. Eventually, some of the problems that she faces at work will likely resolve themselves, because of her last-moment timing, and her team not having enough time. 

Another example that I've seen is when people are looking for change in their life. And eventually, their body composition comes up - they want to increase their health. And oftentimes, your doctor might have discovered something, and tells you to make a change. And that's not enough of a motivator. It's our choices around meals and movement and mindset, they might have been what you thought were the right choices. And it's really hard to hear that they didn't give you the outcome they wanted. It's important to acknowledge that hose choices also might have brought you comfort or coping. And so, now you need to change all of that. Really visualizing why you want more energy, what you want to do instead, and digging into that visualized outcome can really make a difference.

One of the situations that I remember is when my parents moved to a new town and they wanted to go exploring. They wanted to create adventure, and they wanted it to do it together. So here I am (all these years later) and I still remember at eight years old going for a bike ride regularly with my whole family. My little four year old sister would be pedaling like mad and Dad would do circles around her as as she went along. Mum was at the very front, my other sister and I were in the middle. We were out on country roads for (what felt like) hours. I don't know how my little sister had the stamina to do this. We will stop for lunch and then pedal home. And we would do all these adventures because they pictured it.

It's really about starting to visualize what is it you're wanting to create. In a professional setting, we would say "What's your business case?" And in a personal setting, we might say, "What's your why for wanting to make this change?"

Sola: So, getting the Why would help you how clarity on setting your goals? After we get the why, after we set the goals, how do we break the goals down into daily actionable steps that will eventually help in achieving the goals? Maybe at the end of the year, or in whatever timeline you've set for yourself.

Brooke: My answer might not be what you were expecting, because so many experts say SMART goals - specific, measurable, actionable, relevant, and timely - which are all really important. But I want to take it in a different direction because I think what gets missed is that, as humans, we have an incredible ability to compartmentalize. In fact, I'd say we're almost conditioned to do it. We talk about work vs home, and the separation of the two. At work, we're at work. At home, we're at home. We're almost different people.

When we have a goal, our ability to fully think through the many roles that we play in our life, and considering the different dimensions of our life makes it much easier to be able to carry it through.

When we start to think through nine key dimensions of living our life, we can start to ask ourselves key questions such as: "how is this goal going to impact me financially? What do I need to do while I'm at work to achieve this goal? In what ways will this goal affect me bodily? In terms of my energy, my meals, my movement, my mindset, but also, how's this going to impact me from a sense of belonging? What about my interactions with friends and family, which are different from relationships with colleagues? How am I going to set up and add capacity in a workplace environment?" .. and so on. 

To give an example of thinking about your context and the influences around you - it is so much easier in the morning to eat a healthy breakfast than it is to say no to the doughnuts that got brought with the coffee at the afternoon meeting. Or, in a personal context, how many people do you know abandon their health goals, because they're at an all inclusive vacation? They tell themselves "I'll just start again next Monday when I come home? Right?"

We can continue to ask ourselves: what does that look like in the context of things that bring us joy? Hobbies, maybe sports, maybe travel? And, how does a goal impact you from a personal development perspective? How is this going to help you? Is there an education component and learning? Is this going to help you in growth as a person? How is this going to help you in terms of your standing within the community? Because, each of us is an influencer in our own circle. So, how is this goal going to impact that and the people watching us?

And the last thing I'll add is that when we think about our own ability to be spontaneous, to think through Creativity and Change, can we really get a picture of what has to change and when and how? This is a workshop I've done before and is a conversation I'm happy to have anytime. 

This work is a workshop that I've done before as a fundraiser for Soroptimist International and their Dream it Be it program which offers career coaching and mentorship for girls in high school. If you are curious, I'm happy to have this conversation anytime.

When you hone the ability to think about your goal and how it cascades through your whole life, it can really make it easy to see what it is that needs to get done to make this change. But it can also help us realize how much we're trying to take on when we state this perceived simple goal. Because when we first think about it, it's usually in one narrow context and we say "I can do this". We don't think about all the other ways it's going to cascade in different other contexts that we're in every day or how it will affect us in the different roles that we play.

Sola: That's a very interesting perspective. So we're thinking of our goals holistically in all the roles that we play, not just: my career goals, those goals when it comes to family, everything together. How does this play out? Do I have capacity to achieve those goals? Am I clear on my other goals? And then what do I need to do on-the-daily to be able to achieve those goals? 

Sola: So, my next question would be in your experience as a coach, especially to women. What has been a recurring obstacle that you see that people mentioned as a challenge? How do you advise on an approach overcome such obstacles?

Brooke: I love this! I'm going to say the word self sacrifice.

And what I mean by that is: so many of my clients, they're in a situation, whether it's at work or at home, and they have their goal, and they know exactly what they want to do. But they often set it aside for someone else's priority, because they're tired. And they don't want to put up the argument. What it looks like is that it's just so much easier to do the thing that they've been asked to do rather than trying to position themselves or trying to argue - whether it's with a colleague, or a spouse, a child, a parent, a friend. Sometimes they just don't have the energy, or the capacity to be in a confrontational situation.

That's probably the biggest thing that that I see, as a challenge. One of the things that we work on is - I don't want to call it boundaries, because hard boundaries tend to be absolute - defining the standards for living. So it's an exercise where you can be deliberate about different aspects of your life, the different roles you play, what you want things to look like as an outcome. And what amazes them every time and brings me great joy is that others respond.

When you are clear, and you've made the next step action clear, other people also were tired, and they'll fall in line with the easiest solution. It's that skill and ability to be more situational than absolute. So, not so much a boundary, but really setting what are the standards of living that you want for youself, and getting deliberate about those.

Sola: You sort of give other people permission to do the same, right? And I think was attorney Marianne Williamson, that wrote this nice poem that a lot of us are free to be ourselves. And what we don't realize (I'm just paraphrasing now) is that when we be ourselves, we give permission for other people to be themselves as well, to let their light shine as well. So yeah, I think it's when people begin to understand this, maybe not absolute boundaries around you, especially the people around you, they'll begin to respect you and then you will have time to focus on your goals and execute.

Brooke: Yes, absolutely.

Sola: Perfect!

Sola: My next question is, we know that sometimes goals don't pan out the way we expect them to. And they may require adjustments on flexibility. And just being nimble as you go along. Can you share an experience (it could be personal, it could be career) where you've had to modify your goals to suit what's going on at that point in time?

Brooke: Oh, absolutely. I mean, setbacks are completely inevitable. There's an literally an entire industry and job role dedicated to project management, because no plan project ever goes as planned. You're a PMP Sola, so this is like right up your alley!

And sometimes there are setbacks. Sometimes they're obstacles. Sometimes they're actually just a realization and a reframing. Getting more clear on your goal and realizing that the solution you thought of to the problem you had, there's actually a better solution. So in terms of getting clear on your goal, it's happened to me, and it's happened to a couple of clients. When you really lean into what your purpose and passion is, everything else falls away.

I want to give you an example for a client that I had. She was exhausted when we first started working together. She wanted to work on so many things. She was looking for that promotion; she wanted to change your body composition; she was just tired, literally. And the things that we worked on were how to become more proactive and prepared so that she could get to that VP position. That was part one.

Being proactive and prepared also meant that we needed to look at the routines in her life, because we needed to create that time that you talked about so that she could actually do the work and not always be last minute. She would feel flustered or come across as flustered even though she was clear in her mind. She wasn't coming across as prepared.

One of the things that happen as she started to get clear on her why was that she actually didn't want that promotion. She didn't want to give up the free time. She didn't want to take on more. And in fact, instead, she wanted to start planning and thinking about what was going to be next in her career. She wasn't at the end of her career, but she had maybe a seven year horizon. She started thinking about "what do I need to put in place now, to be able to transition with ease seven years from now". That conversation with herself led to a whole new thing: it rejuvenated her in a way that brought up new creativity.

She didn't want to watch television, she wanted to work on her ideas and write them down. She didn't want to sit and watch TV. That was a huge part of regaining time. She didn't want to snack in the evening, because this was a huge challenge for her - snacking in the evening. She was bored and feeling uncomfortable with the day. Now, instead, she was actively listening to podcasts of other people who had creative ideas. And she didn't want to sit and listen to the podcast, she was so filled with energy that she needed to move. She started going for walks, while listening to these inspirational stories, thinking about what it's going to be perfect for her. We didn't talk about her going for walks, she physically needed to move because her mind was energetic and she needed to match that energy.

Everything in her life literally shifted, because she got clear on her purpose and passion. And then everything else fell inline: habits that she struggled with and and wrestled with for years, literally fell away. Because she knew what she was doing and why.

Sola: So she was so would you say that the clarity helped, or flexibility helped in adjusting her goals?

Brooke: Yes! Getting clear. And the process of thinking and being deliberate about getting clear on your goals. She realized that the goals she had set for herself were really transactional. I want to lose weight, I want this VP position. But she couldn't explain why she wanted them. It was what was expected of her.

Instead, she really actually found the thing she was super passionate about. Suddenly she wanted to eat well, because she knew which foods made her feel ill and she didn't have time to feel ill because it's so much she wanted to get done. So she shifted her eating habits, she shifted her movement patterns. And all of a sudden, she found this whole new network of women who were into dance, which she wanted to do because she was feeling creative.

Everything literally everything in her life changed. Not because she set out to make those changes. But because she got really clear on her goal. I wanted to share the story because it really illustrates for me, and she's one of many clients that I've seen this happen to, where getting clear on what you want and getting clear on your WHY means the HOW just falls into place.

Sola: You know, this conversation reminds me of another that I had with my counselor and she she owned it. A year or two ago, I was a little bit overwhelmed. And I just brought everything out. And she was like, "Do you know what I had? I heard a lot of shoulds. What you're saying is 'you should do this, you should be that, you should be...' Where is this coming from? I want you to dig deep, and evaluate your language beyond that. You're thinking of who setting these expectations for you, such that you then feel obliged to others' goals to do this thing or that."

She gave me homework to go back and actually evaluate the goals that I've had over the years, or the things I've done over the years, and actually see the ones I really wanted to do, or the ones that I thought was what I expected of me to do. And that really helped me, it also helped my phrasing, when I'm talking advice. I don't say I should as often as I used to because I found that I was just putting that pressure on myself with other people's expectations of myself, or maybe old expectations that I had when I was younger that don't serve my purpose anymore. Right now. For myself. That's really helped me. That set me free.

And secondly, being clear on your goals would help you to be able to say no more easily. You know to say no to the things that don't align. It's not being selfish. It's just being correct. And, it's been being wise and mindful of your capacity. You can't be everything to everyone. You can't do everything, as much as you would want to.

Clarify your goals: this doesn't fit into the future that I see or doesn't fit on the path that I'm alone right now. So to help you to say no to things easily without feeling guilty, because we don't like to hurt people. We want everybody to be happy about where we are. Get clear on our goals, so we can easily say no and say without feeling guilty. So thank you for that. 

Brooke: Can I add? Because I love that example! I think there's a real shift between when we know what we want, we can make a commitment to it, which is very different than when we feel obligated to something, and we comply. They're very different, right? Compliance is not the same as commitment.

When you're excited about something, you're passionate about something, then you can be committed to it. And it's not saying no, it's saying: not me or not now. And there's ways around for those listening who don't want to get into argument, they don't have the energy to fight. It's easier to do what's being asked of you than it is to say no.

But when you're really clear and aligned, you can say: I love this. I love this project. I love this work, but it's not the right fit for me. I don't have the capacity to commit to that. And maybe you can make a referral (or not). And so, those subtle nuances that you illustrated so well of feeling obligated, and then you really feel, when you're obligated that you have to comply. And that's not the same.

Sola: Yeah! 100%. Okay, so let's talk about support system.

Sola: How important is it and having a support system to actually meet your goals? I suppose it's a good call from a friends and comes from a family, maybe a mentor, a sponsor, or whatever. How important is it to have that support system in achieving your goals? And maybe you can share an example from your personal experience, and maybe also share how you've been able to develop a strong support system for the benefit of people that are maybe still trying to have that network.

Brooke: I think one of the things we find is that we can fill our calendars and we don't leave space for two things.

First, we don't leave space to build the relationships that fill our cup and keep us motivated. But we also don't leave space for us to just think. We tend to fill it with distractions. We don't like to be in silence. And we don't like to be stuck with our own thoughts. Because they're often dissonant with what we want. We don't want to be obligated, but it's what we feel, and then we don't know what to do. So that can be part of it.

Recently, I heard a great expression. It says the three B's are why business owners don't succeed. They are the Boat, that Beach house and the BMW ... and let me tell you why. A lot of owners when they first start, they think about what's their why and their why is what they think success looks like. And they think success looks like having the boat and having the fancy car and having the vacation home. And for those business owners that get there - they actually stop because they literally they've met their goal. And when they meet their goal, they switch from being in a growth to a fixed mindset. And they literally stopped dreaming.

So, one of the things that for change is really important is having that support system. It is having people around you who hear your thoughts, and they challenge you. Whether it's a therapist, a coach, mentors, you could be part of a women's network like three G's. It's these external inputs that can help us both to keep dreaming and they also help us to have confidence when we do need to pivot when those setbacks that you talked about happened.

In my own experience, I had leaders were I have actively thought that this is the model of what I don't want to be. I took note of it at the time and said, Okay, these are behaviors that I don't ever want to have others experience of me because they are unpleasant. And, not surprising, it was a  senior VP, who was not proactive and unprepared.

And one other thing that really shifted for me was when I got a coach. When I first met my coach, he brought for me deep care. He brought new concepts and thinking and really challenged me. But he also brought a different level of accountability that I hadn't experienced before. And, and ultimately working together, I learned how to do hard things. And once I had done hard things, I realized how easy it is to do hard things. And it was incredibly life changing for me.

Having someone who really was part of a true support, I did some wild things like I getting a motorcycle license. It really left for me that this is what I want my clients to experience. I want them to feel cared for so that they can build confidence. Together, it is so much easier to do hard things when you have someone beside you who believes in you.

Sola: Making time to invest in relationships that fill you up. Having you time to think. Finding a coach and mentor, or whatever. I would add to your list: being open about your goals with a trusted circle of friends or your inner circle. Having people that would hold you accountable and are not afraid to tell you the truth when you're not achieving your goals. I think there has to be help.

I'll share an example. because two years ago a bunch of us ladies drove to Buffalo. We had an overnight stay at an Airbnb, and of course, we went shopping. In the evening, we asked about each other's goals for the coming year. This was towards the end of 2022. We all shared our goals for the next year. In fact, we wrote them down and every now and then we had a small Whatsapp group where we would ask each other: how are you doing on this goal, and each would provide progress reports. You want to come back and have something to say when asked. You would at least want to towards  your goal. So I think having a good support system is very helpful in achieving it with people that will build you up and/or people that will cheer you on. That's very important.

Sola: Goals cannot be achieved without having an effective time management skill. You need to be able to manage time, given all the balls that we juggle, especially as women: the career, you have come from the friend and sister you all know that. How do you manage time effectively to ensure that you have time to do the important things?

Brooke: First, I would say: calendar it. 

That calendar application is incredibly important. And while none of us really, really want to be dependent on a phone - at the same time, it can be really helpful because it's one less thing that we have to focus on. There's that little bit of feeling that I've prepared for myself, and now I've got something telling me what to do. And it's really clear to take that next step action. But what we don't tend to do is we tend to put into our calendar, the things that are chunky or the things that involve someone else. So most of the calendars usually meetings, right? Because we've both mutually agreed to meet at this time, and we're going to put it in the calendar. So we both remember. So we show up.

What we don't normally put in the calendar is the time to prepare for that meeting. What we don't put in that calendar is necessarily the travel time to get to that meeting, or the preparation time to set up. It means that we don't have a clear estimate of what all these things are going to look like or impact our day.

When we get overcommitted, we have this immense stress that comes in our lives, because we're unable to deal with obstacles and setbacks. We are so time bound, that there's no time to think. And, because we don't have time to think, we cannot adapt, we cannot pivot, we cannot afford to get sick. How many people have said that to you in your lifetime? I just can't afford to get sick. Why? Because they have zero capacity.

As we think through that cascade in your whole life, where's the time for you to just simply be without expectation, without obligation, without a need to feel - not committed, but complying? What needs to be different so that you can create that little bit of space? Most people I know, they go-go-go from the time they get up until the time they finish their last meal. The time that they book for themselves (I hear it often) is "while my spouse and I sit beside each other from nine until 10. We watch a show together after the kids have gone to bed". That's a very common one. So is "I'm done everything and it's you know, eight or nine at night when I finally finish what I need to do. And next thing you know, I'm watching a movie, and I'm eating a bag of chips".

It's all of these small habits that we get into where we have created this thinking time, but we don't recognize it for what it is. And we fill it with distraction, we fill it with sound. Instead, creating some time every day that you know is for yourself. Sola, I know that you have a time of thoughtfulness, of reading, of prayer, of reflection. And that's time that you have dedicated for yourself.

I have a movement practice where I dedicate time to just be with myself physically and figure out what did I do to myself. What weird sleeping pattern left me stiff and what do I need to do to help myself feel well today? How can I breathe well, and what can I do to breathe well? I'm eliminating that source of stress.

Everyone has their own thing. And, I don't think there's a right thing for everyone. But I do think it's really important to choose something. During the pandemic, mine was walking, I walked for 45 minutes twice a day, every day in silence. No podcast, nobody with me. It was my own mental filing. To just be and think. No phone if I could help it (because I knew I'd start texting or writing and next thing you know, I'm walking into like poles, and that's not helpful). The ideas was just really being truly present. Listening to my feet on the gravel. Listening to birds. Listening to the wind. Listening to car traffic. Just being. That's the thing that I would definitely recommend. We don't put it in our calendar to just be ourselves and have that time.

Sola: I like what you said about we only put things that involve other people in our calendar, we don't make time for all that we need to do.

To get there reminds me of when I was running my business. I used to bake cakes and decorate. When I first started pricing, I would just do the price based off all the ingredients. I bought them from the supermarket, not accounting for the depreciation on my on my car to get to the supermarket or the time I spent to go get those things. The time I spent cleaning up after delivery. All those things take time. And as we say, time is money, right? You know, all those things take time. So we need to pay it. We were making commitments. It's not just about that commitment. It's all the work that goes behind the scene to be able to show up at that commitment. I think I really like that. And putting that in your calendar. I don't know if I'll be able to do that but I will make a mental note to be able to do that. Thank you for that.

And I do love what you said about just being. Just taking time to just be you. No podcasts, no buddy, no videos, no nothing. And just taking that time to hear your own heartbeat, and to just breathe. There was a day, I think last week, I was feeling that I was getting a point of stress. I was like, you know what, I just need to calm down. And guess what? I did the box breathing you had taught me, and I felt so much better.

Brooke:  Do you want to explain what box breathing is? Because this is a technique that we had done together. 

Sola: I was actually going to ask you to lead us. So the way I understand it is: you take in a deep breath and count to four. You hold it in, and count to four. You release, and count to four as you release. So it's like: four, four, four, four and, you know, box breathe. Do it a couple of times, and it just calms you down.

Another thing I was going to say was, I used to feel guilty. Whenever I was just sitting by myself and not doing anything. I just had this voice at the back of my head saying something you should be doing right now. Again, go into that should, you know! There's something you should be doing right now. How can you just sit down? What laziness this is? Idleness?  But how to keep changing that mental processing to say: I deserve it, I need to be able to cut some rest. I do all this I need to do to cut some rest for myself.

Sola: Okay, over to you, Brooke. We'll do some box breathing. And if you have questions, feel free to drop them in the chat. We'll take questions. Please go ahead and drop your questions in the chat. Amazing!

Let's pause here and take a moment to notice that you're breathing...

We know that breathing can make a significant different in managing stress, and I have been honoured to lead breathing sessions at events.

One that I am so proud of was for The Sharpeway Group and Scotia Women Initiative at the Women, Wealth and Wellness celebration for #iwd2023, hosted by Jill Knowles. I am sharing it here, in case you are curious about experiencing a breathing session with me.  You can hear it here »

A few clients have asked for short (2-10 min) audio recordings as on-demand sessions that you can listen to, and breathe with ease. We're going to do it!

I invite you to sign up to join our waitlist and I'll send you a message as soon as it's ready. Our timing is planned for late Spring 2024.

Want more practical tips on setting priorities?

What followed was an active Q&A session. It was a dynamic conversation on goal-setting in the context of failing, reframing and self-awareness. I'll work on summarizing our key take-aways in another post! 

Don't hesitate to reach out if you have questions about how to prioritize your priorities. You can leave a comment below, or reach out by DM. 

In the meantime, I invite you to learn more about what 3Gs represents and why Sola created this networking group for women who are Growing Gorgeously into Greatness. Tune in to my Best for Women LIVE podcast interview (~34 min video) with Sola on Youtube.com/@bestforwomen » 

In health and friendship

Brooke